Is Crying Good for You? Dealing with Grief in a Healthy Way

Posted on Dec 15, 2016 Topic : Men's Christian Living, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : H. Norman Wright

At the present time, I periodically experience anger. It’s not at anyone, but at the circumstances of what happened fairly recently. My daughter died unexpectedly in her sleep. I’d planned to get together and talk over some issues. That opportunity is gone. There was much I wanted to say to her and to hear from her.

Is there blame? Yes. Is there regret? Yes. Do I have anger? Yes—at myself and at the lost opportunity. How am I releasing this? Admission is the first step. I express my anger as I play the piano. Many of the piano selections lend themselves to the expression of feelings as my fingers strike the keys with force or a light, delicate touch. Sometimes I speak what my fingers are pouring into the keys. This is a healthy expression for me.

Crying is also a healthy expression of hurt that might turn into anger if left unresolved. Tears release a multitude of emotions. They stabilize the turmoil of our hearts and minds. The solvent of tears can bring balance to our emotions. On occasion, the tears may be few or they could be a torrent. I’ve experienced them rushing from my eyes like a flood, even during times when my thinking side wanted and tried to control their expression. Fortunately, over the years I’ve learned tears don’t need to be restrained, for they are gifts from God.

Tears have their own language. They even release chemicals that relax our nervous system and may point us to the reasons we need them. When words don’t come or are insufficient, tears talk.

Crying is the cornerstone of grief, and lately it seems to be my constant companion. It is exhausting. Even as I write this, tears are forming. Do I know why? Not really, and I don’t always have to know the specifics of the moment. Sometimes people see my tears and ask, “Is everything all right?” How do I answer? I hope with a “No, but thanks for asking. I’m doing okay.” Tears release hurt; tears release sadness.

So, what we know is anger helps us release some of our emotions. And we need tears to release more of our emotions. One without the other is an incomplete release, and we may become stuck. If either one of these is stuck in our lives, we can ask God to help us discover and access each one. It’s helpful and necessary to bring us out of the painful past to be fully in the present.