7 Key Tips for Resolving Conflict and Gaining True Peace

Posted on Apr 06, 2017 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Men's Christian Living
Posted by : Deborah Smith Pegues

If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over.
Matthew 18:15 (ɴɪᴠ)

There are few things I find more stress-generating than unresolved conflict. It keeps my adrenaline on high alert and consumes my thoughts until I have resolved it. Consequently, I try to confront offenses and misunderstandings right away.

Not all people feel this way. Even though Jesus commanded us to initiate a reconciliation with an offending brother, many Christians believe that we are to keep quiet for the sake of “peace.” But if we are going to manage the stress in our lives, we must develop the skills needed to address the conflicts which are sure to arise—for conflicts are indeed inevitable. Further, the problem with failing to confront an issue is that it is likely to occur again.

I have set forth below some basic guidelines for resolving conflict that, if practiced, should result in a harmonious outcome:

1. Ask God to give you His words to say so that His purpose will be achieved. “My word…will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it” (Isaiah 55:11).

2. Empty your anger or other emotions out to God before engaging the offender. Emotions tend to get in the way of the facts and can hinder objective thinking. This isn’t as hard as it may sound once you decide you are going to make every effort to settle the issue in a harmonious way. “If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone” (Romans 12:18).

3. Be clear as to what you perceive the problem to be. Avoid vague statements that leave room for misinterpretation. For example, “You need to do better” does not really clarify the problem.

4. Focus the discussion on the offender’s behavior and avoid remarks about his character. For example: “It was inappropriate for you to open my private mail” is better than saying, “I can’t believe you are so nosy!”

5. Stay open-minded and always seek first to understand the other person’s behavior rather than justifying your own. Obviously, this will require effective listening on your part. Listening will validate the other person’s feelings and gives him incentive to listen to you.

6. Resolve one issue at a time. Do not cloud the discussion with other unresolved matters between you. Deal with them later.

7. Agree on future behavior should the situation arise again.

Strife is stressful, and it is to our advantage to keep it at bay. We cannot eliminate conflicts from our lives because we are all unique individuals with different backgrounds, communication styles, and preferences. However, we can confront the issues, resolve them, and grow as a result.

Lord, help me to make every effort to live in peace with everyone.