Adjusting to an Empty Nest? Let God Be Your Comfort

Posted on Oct 04, 2018 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Bonnie Sparrman

They came in a hurry, filling our home with noise, toys, friends, commotion, and more activity than my husband and I knew what to do with. And they left in similar rapid succession. During the child-raising years the house takes on the aura of a dormitory, summer camp, library, gymnasium, locker room, and dining hall. And after a bewildering set of months punctuated by nights fretting over applications, deadlines, college orientations, or visits to the local recruiting office…poof! They’re gone.

For the mom whose ears are tuned to kids showering at six thirty every morning, those first days in a kid-free house make you feel like death has struck. Sure, it may feel like a luxury to get up and make coffee for yourself and perhaps a spouse, but the quiet is deafening, and the emptiness unsettling.

One morning, over my cup of coffee, it hits me. We were six people living in this house. Then we were five and then four, then three and now two. And every time I find myself at home alone, I realize it’s just me. I’m the one left, turning on the radio so someone will talk to me as I clean up the kitchen.

When kids first leave, I avoid their bedrooms, fearful of the feelings I might encounter if I dare enter. But inevitably someone calls home needing that sweater I had encouraged them to take along in the first place, and digging for it leads to sorting out clothes along with bucketloads of gut-wrenching emotions. This ache deep inside…what is it? I have known this gnawing discomfort before. But when? Pausing to consider, it finally dawns on me; it was when my little brother died thirty years ago and grieving became my second college major.

I am not skillful at handling grief…partly because of its unpredictable and ill-timed nature. One day I can walk into the high school just to say hello to our kids’ favorite teachers and all will be well. But on another day, the same sort of visit might leave me stunned by a ridiculous flood of tears that makes me want to escape and call a friend. At moments like these I find it helpful to remember that God is in the business of comforting His people. He knows when our mother-hearts are breaking and need to be soothed.

Jesus says it so simply in His Sermon on the Mount: “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted” (Matthew 5:4). Blessed is the mom who is mourning the loss of golden days when her children were at home filling the rooms with warmth and light, craziness and noise—young enthusiasm at full tilt. An actual death isn’t required to necessitate the work of grief. And it is work—hard work. Remembering Jesus’s words of comfort and care is a good place to start.

And give yourself time. It won’t always feel as painful as it does when they first leave. So please, go easy on yourself, especially during the first shockingly quiet kid-free months. Allow yourself moments to grieve. They are much-needed steps toward healing.