Dad, Here’s How to Be Your Kids’ Greatest Cheerleader

Posted on Nov 09, 2017 Topic : Men's Christian Living
Posted by : Jay Payleitner

Years ago, before I had my own teenagers, I was a volunteer youth leader at my church. Every Wednesday night, a dozen high-school students joined me to sit around our living room trying to make sense of life. One evening, I threw out an icebreaker question: “What do you think your life will be like ten years from now?” (It’s a good idea to have teenagers think about the future.) Their answers were typical. “A good job.” “Probably married.” “Definitely not married.” “Living in Chicago.” One young man, a little rough around the edges, said, “Professional golfer.” My abrupt, thoughtless reply was, “No, seriously.”

Well, that was the exact wrong response. I had dismissed his dream. I should have said, “That is so cool. Go for it. I’ll be looking for your name in the sports pages.” Instead, I crushed his spirit. From that moment on, I committed myself to become an encourager with my own kids and their peers.

How to Encourage

When the kids are younger, it’s a lot easier. Whether it’s sports, music, art, spelling bees, chess competitions, or Scout jamborees. Just put a smile in your voice and say, “I think you can do this” or, “Give it your best shot.”

As they get older, authentic encouragement has to be based in the reality of goals and circumstance. If you encourage your child to audition for a play, the lead roles may go to the same actors who always land the lead roles. You can encourage their career as a catcher for the high-school team, but there already might be three more experienced catchers on the varsity depth chart. The art-show judge may be a fan of watercolors, but your child works in acrylics. These are all things your child might even know about and not bother to tell you. When you suggest a course of action and your teenager snaps, “Dad, you don’t know what you’re talking about,” they might be right!

Still, Dad, you have a responsibility to supply sincere encouragement, a voice of experience, and other words of wisdom. After an emotional game or performance, the car ride home or the dinner table might be quieter than usual, but really that’s okay. It’s usually better to say nothing than to extend a cliché such as “Well, at least you gave it a try” or “You’ll do better next time.”

It’s fascinating that often a young competitor or performer may come away from an effort that seems like a letdown, but they feel quite satisfied with how they did. Conversely, they may have a first-place trophy in hand and feel like they fell far short of their personal goals. An excellent question to ask is, “Did you do what you wanted to do?” That might launch a good conversation about their approach to the event, their goals, the skills they’re trying to improve, and what their next step might be.

Often the best way to encourage your son or daughter is without words. A nod. A handshake. A confident smile. Even a silly thumbs-up. But be ready with praise, suggestions, personal perspective, and a gentle, honest critique when they say, “Dad, what did you think?”