Do You Struggle with Spiritual Imposter Syndrome?

Posted on Apr 02, 2019 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Men's Christian Living, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Ellen Elliott

Back in my teen years, I was a member of the school band.

I come from a musically-gifted gene pool, so when it came time to join the band in junior high, the question was not “Do you want to join the band?” but “What instrument are you going to play?” For some reason, I gravitated toward the French horn.

Later I found out that French horns are one of the most difficult instruments to learn. They are also stinking heavy to carry around when you are a skinny little 13-year old girl. Also, I discovered that my family’s music gene had actually skipped me. Learning to play French horn became frustrating hours of rote memorization for me, not natural skill.

But my main problem came during marching season. Other band members played their same instrument on the football field and up in the bandstand. French hornists were not so lucky. During marching season, we had to switch to a totally different marching instrument—the mellophone.

Throughout my five-year band career, I never learned to play that mellophone. I stood in the football stands, pretending to blow air into the mouthpiece. I copied the finger positions of the kid next to me. I lived in fear that I would be found out for the fraud I was.

When you feel like an impostor, it can be hard to shake. Once that belief takes hold, it tends to clamp down on you like a ravenous remora. Even to this day, thoughts of that darn mellophone send a ripple of panic through me.

Unfortunately, feeling like an impostor can show up in our Christian life as well.

Honestly, it doesn’t really take much to be affected by spiritual impostor syndrome. It doesn’t help that our society increasingly bases a person’s worth on performance and appearances. Before long, defeatist thoughts can slip into our minds and take hold. Thoughts like:

If they only knew how much I struggle with doubt.

My faith seems so small compared to hers.

I hope nobody finds out that there’s a layer of dust on my Bible.

But I’ll never be as important as that famous Christian speaker.

I am a huge mess inside.

Everyone else seems so happy... so what is wrong with me?!

I’m not enough.

Spiritual impostor syndrome can paralyze us in our walk with Christ. We wind up sitting in the bandstand, half-heartedly copying the person sitting next to us. It may look like we are living our faith out loud, but we are never actually making a sound.

And the thing is, we might be pulling the wool over everyone else’s eyes, but we aren’t really fooling God. God knows us intimately. He knows when we are just going through the motions. He knows when we are just blowing hot air. He already knows all our failings and struggles and weaknesses. Putting on a show is just an exhausting waste of time.

So how do we shake this spiritual impostor syndrome from our hearts?

Paul gives us an answer in 2 Corinthians 12:9:

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me.

After suffering through five years of the French horn, I finally snapped and told my band director, “I’m no good at this blasted instrument and I don’t want to do it anymore.” So my final year of band, he had me try the baritone instead. (It’s like a mini-tuba.) It was considerably easier for me than the French horn. I stopped faking it and I finally oompah-ed really loudly in the back of the band. In fact, I kinda rocked the baritone. I only wish I had gotten honest with my band director—and myself—years earlier.

Are you struggling with spiritual impostor syndrome? Stop faking it. Get honest. With Jesus, you are enough.