Eight Tried-and-True Steps to Cultivate a Happy Marriage

Posted on Jul 26, 2018 Topic : Men's Christian Living, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Rhonda Stoppe

Over the years, my husband, Steve and I have learned from other couples what it takes to have a happy marriage. Here are eight practical ways you can cultivate happiness in a lasting marriage:

1. Have Realistic Expectations

One reason people become unhappy with their marriage is because the relationship doesn’t turn out to be all they expected. Did you think your husband would be the answer to all your hopes for happily-ever-after? If so, at some point you came to realize you had married a normal human being and not the Prince Charming you imagined him to be.

The sooner you realize you and your husband are both imperfect people, the better you will be prepared to cover with grace the times you let one another down.

2. Realize It's OK to Be Different

You don’t have to be married for too long to discover your husband is not like you. Couple often attempt to define unity in marriage as “sameness.” But unity isn’t sameness.

Unity in marriage does not mean you have to see eye to eye with your husband on every detail of life. In his book What Did You Expect? author Paul David Tripp says, “Unity is, rather, the result of what husband and wife do in the face of inevitable differences.”

3. Think the Best About Your Husband

Remind yourself regularly of the qualities you love about your husband. And resist the temptation to compare him to the “ideal husband” you dream of having. Wouldn’t you want your husband to do the same for you?

Even with deliberate effort toward resisting the temptation to compare, married couples often lean toward viewing one another through a negative lens. If thinking the best about each other is not yet a habit within your marriage, someone has to take the first step. Let that someone be you.

4. Be Kind to One Another

Are you kind? It’s easy to be kind to people you only see for a few minutes each day. But in general, do you have a kind disposition? Is kindness your default mode, or do you have to force yourself not to lash out when you are offended? Does your husband think you are kind?

Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind one to another.” This is a command, not a suggestion. And yet wouldn’t you agree there are times that being kind is not the easiest response? And if you have little ones at home, lack of sleep alone can have a negative influence upon your attempts to remain kind.

Whatever the situation or your circumstances, if you make an extra effort to be kind to your husband now, you will enjoy the benefit of a happier marriage as time goes on.

5. Refuse to Fantasize About Being Married to Someone Else

A major threat to a happy marriage is the temptation to believe you married the wrong person.

When times get hard—and they will—allowing yourself to daydream about what it would be like to escape the hardship will only invite trouble into your marriage. If you are looking up old boyfriends or dreaming about what life would be like if you were married to a different man, you are already in the process of undermining the foundation of your marriage.

In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus told the story of the foolish man who built his house upon the sand (Matthew 7:26-27). Building your hopes for a happy marriage with someone other than your husband is certainly foolish. And when the storms of life come, your house will come crashing down around you.

6. Remember, You're On the Same Team

In times of strife, remind yourself that your husband is not your enemy. Your real adversary is the devil. The enemy is fully aware of the devastating effects of a broken marriage. The Bible instructs us, “Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil walks about like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour” (1 Peter 5:8).

When you realize Satan comes to steal, kill, and destroy, you will know that it’s the tempter who is your enemy, not your husband, and you’ll be ready to stand together in the fight against your foe.

7. Love Christ More Than You Love Your Husband

I cannot stress enough this key principle: when you determine to grow more deeply in love with Christ, you will find your worth in your relationship to Him. When this happens, you will not look to your husband to meet the needs only God can fill. When you live to love Jesus, His love for your husband will spill out of your heart. And your heart will become joyfully satisfied with your husband.

8. Determine That Divorce Will Never Be an Option

If ever you think leaving your marriage is the answer to your problems, remind yourself: wherever you go, there you are. This means whatever struggles you may be having, realize you are half of the problem. If you choose to leave a difficult marriage, you can be certain you’ll take all your unresolved issues into your next relationship as well.