Forgiving Yourself for Your Children’s Mistakes

Posted on Jun 30, 2020 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Men's Christian Living, Women's Christian Living

One of the deceitful lies of the enemy is that our adult children’s wrong and painful decisions are a result of our parental mistakes and errors. Ultimately, God does hold us, as parents, responsible for the decisions and responses we choose to make in our own lives. However, as parents, we are not responsible for the failings of our children. There are many godly parents in the Bible who had rebellious or wicked children. Eli, Samuel, and many of the godly kings of Judah remind us of the fact that God-honoring parents do not always produce God-honoring children.

Sometimes, however, our personal sins will result in our children’s rebellion and even betrayal, such as happened with Absalom, the son of King David. Such consequences must be endured by parents of adult children until God has had the opportunity to accomplish all that He desires in the lives involved. Thankfully, everything has a beginning and an end, though at times we must hold on for years or even decades to see God’s desired result come to fruition.

Because much of life is beyond our understanding, we cannot allow bitterness to take root when things get difficult with our adult children. Rather, we should realize that everything we face provides us with an opportunity to grow and learn, and we must choose God no matter what comes our way.

Both of us and our spouses (Bruce and Darlene; Heather and Jack), know of victory in our adult children’s lives. But we also deeply and painfully know of failure, lack, betrayal, lies, disappointment, rejection, and loss. We know what it means to wait on God. We know what it is to keep praying when the hoped-for answers do not come. We know that broken relationships aren’t always mended, and past mistakes are not always forgiven. We know that some adult children choose to blame rather than grow and accept personal responsibility for their adult emotions and decisions.

But, in all of that, we are assured that God can use the trials and challenges in our lives as parents to grow us spiritually and develop our compassion for others, our acceptance of ourselves, and our love for Him. God is not obligated to your version of a happy ending, but based on His Word, He is obligated to our good as we conform to the image of Jesus Christ. Romans 8:28-29 reminds us that good is always connected to how well each of us reflects Christ.

“We know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren.”

Lord, help me not get lost in the question of what would be different had I been a better parent. Help me not rehearse the what-ifs over and over until my spirit is so low and my self-love is so lost that I am no good to You, myself, or anyone else. I cannot change the past. I cannot fix the past. I cannot undo the past. Blaming, doubting, and questioning what I did or didn’t do as a parent does not help the present, and it certainly does not help the future. Please help me to let those thoughts go. Help me to release them. Help me to rest in the truth that You have enough strength and enough power to redeem the mistakes of the past and restore whatever has been lost or broken. When I spend my precious thoughts worried about the past, I am dishonoring You and Your power to overcome it. Forgive me and free me from damaging thoughts rooted in the past. In Jesus’ name, amen.