How to Help Your Child Win the Battle for Self-Control

Posted on Jan 04, 2024 Topic : Men's Christian Living, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Costi and Christyne Hinn

Just like our kids, we parents face temptations every day in our battle for self-control. And no matter how hard we try, we will never be able to eradicate our unhelpful behavior until Jesus changes our hearts. Sheer willpower will take us only so far. We might think, "Look! I did it! I have finally overcome my issues with self-control" . . . only to find ourselves falling down the slippery slope all over again.

As you seek to help your child grow in self-control, remind them that they are not alone. When we are honest about this issue, it’s clear that we all need help every single day. Thankfully, the same King of kings who helped Ira can help us too. Here are three steps you can take as you lead your kids on the journey toward more self-control.

1. Aim for heart transformation, not just behavior modification.

Every parent has tried telling their children, “Just stop it!” But if we want to see lasting change in our kids’ behavior, we must point them to Jesus. When He changes our kids’ hearts, their behavior will follow. When the root of their life is transformed, they will bear good fruit that will last. Don’t settle for behavior modification—introduce them to the gospel and ask the Lord for heart transformation!

Pray Ezekiel 36:26 over your kids: “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh.”

2. Talk with your kids about their sin—and yours.

Here are two key truths to remember when talking with your kids about sin. First, remember that everyone needs help when it comes to sin. Your kids don’t always know why they do what they do. Teach them the bad news about their struggle with sin (Romans 3:23; 6:23; Ephesians 2:1) so they can appreciate the good news of the gospel and the help it provides (Luke 19:10; Romans 3:24-26; Ephesians 2:4-9). Second, remember that your kids are brilliant and can spot a phony from a mile away. One of the best ways to help your kids understand sin is to get honest about your own status as a sinner. Your life is the most important example your kids will ever see and the most important “sermon” they’ll ever hear. We are not just to teach the gospel to our kids and enforce rigid rules. Instead, we are to model the gospel and live out God’s ways. This means being parents who repent of sin, ask for forgiveness, and walk in the obedience we talk about with our kids (Ephesians 6:1).

Practice 1 John 1:9 with your kids: “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”

3. Seek out accountability and support from a mature Christian in your church.

At our church we often say, “There is no such thing as Lone Ranger Christianity.” We are better together, and God has designed us for community. Accountability is a huge part of being a disciple of Jesus (Galatians 6:1-3). Teaching your kids how to be more self-controlled starts with you becoming more self-controlled. You can supercharge your parenting by being with Christian parents who inspire you to grow.

Memorize Proverbs 13:20 with your kids: “Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm.”

We pray these steps to helping your kids gain self-control will spark conversations in your home today and in the years to come! Take the next step confidently. Jesus will finish what He has started in you (Philippians 1:6).