How to Know the Difference Between Guilt and Shame

Posted on Feb 22, 2018 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Men's Christian Living, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Mark W. Baker

Do you suffer from a guilty conscience? Are you plagued by shame? Do you even know which one you are feeling?

You might not realize it, but there is a difference between the two. Guilt is the bad feeling you have for doing something you should not have done. Shame is the bad feeling of regret for being an inadequate person.

Guilt is about what you did; shame is about who you are. Neither feel good.

The Bible has a lot to say about guilt. Mostly, it feels bad but exists to help us. Paul talks about a “godly sorrow” that leads people to repentance and produces good things in their lives (2 Corinthians 7:11). This is a useful tool for anyone with a conscience. This is healthy guilt, because it is motivated by love. Healthy guilt motivates you to do the right thing to restore damaged relationships.

But not all guilt is productive. Some guilt is not motivated by love but rooted in fear. It is not about making amends, or figuring out the loving thing to do to make things right in your relationships. It is about self-preservation, and the fear of getting caught. This kind of guilt is not really about making things right with others. It’s about saving your own skin.

One way to know whether the guilt you feel is the healthy kind is to ask yourself these questions: Do I feel bad because I have hurt someone and want to bring it out into the open for healing, even if I have to risk looking foolish? Or, do I feel bad about something and hope no one will ever bring it up again?

If the fear of getting caught wins out, then you are suffering from an unhealthy guilt. This guilt acts as a form of self-punishment that substitutes for restored relationships. It’s the kind of guilt that will keep you stuck.

Shame feels bad, too. But it is different from guilt. Shame is the painful feeling of disconnection from others that comes from feeling defective. You may think you feel bad because of things you have done but the truth is shame is the bad feeling you have about yourself, and you had that feeling long before you committed any of the things you think caused it. If in fact, your shame is probably the reason you did the things you did wrong in the first place.

The good news is, after you identify whether you are feeling guilt or shame, you can overcome it. If guilt is about what you do, and shame is about who you are, then to manage your guilt, you must do things differently, but to deal with your shame, you must actually be willing to be different.

Are you ready to face your guilt and shame in order to change your life today? By identifying your feelings, you’ve already taken the first step.