What Are the Four Most Important Relationships That Will Define Your Daughter’s Development?

Posted on Nov 18, 2021 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Dannah Gresh

I never really had sleepovers

We had sleepovers—me and my mom.

I can still remember her perched on the edge of our basement stairs, that multi-shaded tan shag carpeting beneath her. We girls were all tucked into our sleeping bags in the dark, and the conversations began. Before I knew it, my mom was curled up right next to us answering questions about why boys are so noisy (they apparently just wanted our attention, but we shouldn’t give them too much), what to do about the smelly girl in class (she was at our next sleepover),and how to handle the creepy male science teacher who was always touching our legs when we went up to his desk (he never did again after we told my mom). As she talked with us well into the wee hours of the morning, I often found myself wondering if my girlfriends came to spend the night with me or with my mom. I knew that they loved her.

But I never minded. Not one bit.

I was proud of my mom

I reveled in her sleepover advice.

Little did I know that she was teaching me the delicate art of relationships.

And oh, how important that was. A little girl’s relationships are critical to her overall development. Little boys like relationships. Little girls need them.

Friends

Your daughter’s friends are becoming increasingly more important to her. Sixty-seven percent of tween girls—those aged 8 to12—say that “having lots of friends” is among the top three factors that give them the most confidence. As your daughter ages, you’ll see an increase in talking and a definite increase in usage of social media and digital communication. Don’t be surprised if you’re nagged because “everyone else” has a smartphone. She was created to communicate, so her relationships are going to be taking a top priority in her life!

Boys

Guys may become interesting to her, but she’s not ready for relationships yet. Being in a dating relationship for six months or longer is a significant risk factor for early teen sexual activity. Can you see why it might not be that “cute” for our 8-to12-year-olds to be boy-crazy or have multiple boyfriends while they are still in the fourth grade? If she develops the pattern of “needing” a guy when she is eight or nine, she’s going to be in many six-month relationships in her early teen years. That’s not wise. Let’s help her to slow down the boy-crazy train in her circle of friends.

Dad

Her relationship with her daddy—or a father figure—is a literal lifeline. The Chicago Sun-Times reported that “reams of research show that girls who are close to their dads are less likely to be promiscuous, develop eating disorders, drop out of school or commit suicide.” A daddy’s love keeps a girl emotionally stable. That could be a great challenge in your daughter’s life depending on how and whether her daddy is involved in her life.

Mom

Her relationship with you is still one she treasures. Seventy-two percent of tween girls feel they can talk to their mom about anything. And they do. Don’t miss this, Mom. In just a few years (or months), she’s going to start to feel a little different about that. (She may even act as if you’ve had a lobotomy!) Use this time when her heart is open to prepare her and train her. This is the time to talk about friendships, boys, and other big issues—while her heart is receptive to your wisdom. What she learns about relationships now determines how she’ll date, marry, and build a family—with a healthy God-directed plan or with a selfish, often self-destructive plan. It’ll help her or hinder her in establishing a life purpose. Your discipleship in this area will equip her to be the heartbeat of God on this earth or train her to spread the carnage of broken relationships.

Teach her well, Mom.