What Is Forgiveness? Understand What You Need to Do

Posted on Jun 22, 2017 Topic : Men's Christian Living
Posted by : Bob Phillips

Forgiveness doesn’t come about by accident. It’s a choice. It’s an attitude. It’s a process. It’s a way of life.

Forgiveness is not an emotion. If people had to wait until they felt like forgiving others, pigs would fly first. Forgiveness is found in the will. It’s a promise. As author Jay E. Adams suggests, it is a commitment to three things:

1. I will not use the event against them in the future.

2. I will not talk to others about them.

3. I will not dwell on it myself.

Forgiveness does not beat the offending party over the head with their offense, trying to make them feel bad. It does not try to destroy the reputation of the offending party or get revenge by sharing the transgression with others. Forgiveness does not wallow in the misery of the conflict. It gets up and moves on with life.

I had a friend who was speaking at a conference center during the summer. About halfway through the week, a woman came to him for counsel. She poured out the story of her divorce and the difficulty she was experiencing trying to get over it. After about twenty minutes, my friend said, “May I ask you a few questions?”

“Of course,” said the woman.

“How long ago did your divorce occur?”

“About two years.”

“How many people have you talked with this week about your divorce?”

“Including you?”

“Yes, including me.”

The woman thought for a moment and said, “About six.”

To which my friend responded, “You know, I think I too would have a hard time getting over my divorce if I talked to six people a week about it for two years.”

Clara Barton, the founder of the American Red Cross, was once reminded of an especially cruel thing that had been done to her years before, but she seemed not to recall it. “Don’t you remember it?” her friend asked. “No,” came the reply. “I distinctly remember forgetting the incident.”

An adage worth knowing states, “There is no point in burying the hatchet if you’re going to put up a marker on the site.”

I’ve been asked, “What if the person I need to forgive has moved out of town and I can’t locate him? What if the person I need to forgive has died?” Then I suggest you do the same thing the Old Testament leaders did when they owed money to someone who died or moved away. They brought the money owed to the temple as an offering to God. They gave the obligation to the Lord. If you need to forgive someone who has passed away or can’t be found, bring your forgiveness to the Lord as an offering.

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Dear God, You’re going to have to help me, please. I’ve been wallowing in the muddy swamp of resentment, and I don’t know how to climb out. Please send a rescue team immediately! Also send a big water truck of forgiveness to wash away the pain and self-pity that has covered my life. I would like to get cleaned up so I can be used by You to help others who are in the swamp. Amen.