When Being a Rule Follower Can Hold You Back From Developing Authentic Relationships

Posted on Nov 05, 2019 Topic : Inspirational/Devotional, Women's Christian Living
Posted by : Mary DeMuth

No one can ever be made right with God by doing what the law commands.The law simply shows us how sinful we are.
Romans 3:20

I am a rule follower to my core. Give me a good list of rules, and my palms sweat in joyful anticipation. The problem often comes when I can no longer adhere to every rule perfectly. Which is all the time. Because who can? Still, there is a feeling of control I get when I list, then follow, rules.

When life grows chaotic, and I feel like the world spins off-kilter, the way I cope is through legalism. It’s safe. It’s counted. It’s black and white.

But it has nothing to do with relationship.

Let’s say I create a list of “How to Be the Best Wife” rules to show how I love my husband. I follow them to a T, or at least I try. I make coffee for my husband, anticipate his daily needs, and by rote tell him, “I love you,” seven times a day at prescribed times. But on weary days, those pre-decided sentiments feel more and more like obligation.

Although my initial goal was good—I wanted to demonstrate love to my husband—the end of it all becomes lifeless. The obligation strangles spontaneity, and I begin to resent my husband, the rules I’ve created, and my robotic rhythm.

No one wants to love because they’re forced to, nor does anyone want to be the recipient of determination-based rule following. So how are we to view the law?

Does it bring life?

No.

Does it enhance our relationship with God?

No.

Did it empower the nation of Israel to love God more fully?

No.

Then why would God send it?

The answer lies in Romans 3:20. The law reveals that we cannot accomplish life without God. In our own strength, we fail. We are cursed with the sin infection, something inherited by our forefather and foremother in the Garden of Eden. This law was simply a measuring stick to reveal our need for help. It showed us our depravity apart from our Creator, and it wooed us toward Jesus.

A relationship with God is not really a relationship if it is solely based on us following all the rules—for two reasons. One, we cannot follow all the rules in our own strength anyway, so it’s a no-win situation. Two, no one likes to be in a relationship tied up by regulations. It’s like forcing your kids to say they’re sorry to each other when they’re clearly not sorry.

The law, then, is what God put in place to draw us to himself. It reveals our sin and our utter helplessness to conquer it. And it produces in us a longing for his deliverance. Jesus fulfilled the law, being the perfection of humanity, then provided the once-and-for-all sacrifice needed to satisfy the justice of God. His life, death, and resurrection fulfilled the requirements of the law for all of us, and now we can pursue him in relationship out of gratitude, not rote obligation.

Father,

Thank you for sending your Son to die for me, for us, for the world. While it may seem easier to create laws and rules when I follow you, that kind of religion has little to do with relationship and everything to do with my need for control. I acknowledge that apart from Christ’s work on the cross, I am lost. I need you. Every day. And I want to love you in relationship, as a celebration of all you’ve done for me.

Amen.