You Are Hardwired for Friendship

Posted on Feb 21, 2019 Topic : Men's Christian Living
Posted by : Justin Erickson

One of the best ideas God ever had for us is friendship. He is a relational God and enjoys a perfect friendship within the Trinity. In kindness, God invited us to share in the experience of His joy, which He has known for all eternity. Being made in His likeness, we have been given an immense capacity and need for friends, starting with Him.

Friendship Is One of God’s Best Ideas—Lean Into It

Something inside us yearns for authentic, loyal, courageous, and helpful friends. God put that there. It honors Him when we press into our relationships and experience their benefit.

Our friends are valuable because they embolden us with their confidence to do what we ought, when we might have shrunk back in fear.

The right friends intervene with their wisdom when they hear us speaking foolishly, thus protecting us from acting recklessly. They oppose us when we start going down a path that will lead to our harm, when we would have suffered needless regret. True friends inspire us to bring the best version of ourselves every time.

Friendship was a great idea. Lean into it and make time for it, for the pure enjoyment of it.

Every Friendship Is Different—That’s Okay

Not everyone is hardwired the same when it comes to friendships, which is why each of your friendships will be different than the other. Some friendships are the kinds you want and need to nurture often, sometimes weekly or even daily, or else they languish. Other friendships are strongest and best with some time and distance between interactions but are just as meaningful.

Think about your different friends. Some love to sit and talk for the pure joy of an authentic exchange that has no agenda. This is just as good and God-given as other friendships where we “go and do,” working together on something lasting that will leave an impact.

Equally important are the bonds that are formed by collaborating to solve a problem and creating solutions that help others. This is just as pleasing to God as the settled calm of the people who help us stabilize in contented silence as we give each other room to be refreshed and safe.

Each of these exchanges are equally valid, and God-given reflections of His power, love, wisdom, and knowledge.

Every Friendship Is Warped by Sin—Be Ready for It

However, one of the heaviest strains we impose on friendships is the set of expectations that others relate to us in the way we are wired.

In laziness, we can gravitate towards those who are like us, and in stubbornness we can push away from those who are unlike us. In both cases, selfishness can warp and damage our friendships.

God calls this warping sin. According to Scripture, we introduce friction and pain into our friendships, creating premeditated disappointments (James 4:1-4). Relationships suffer or end because something is wrong with us on the inside.

We have an idea of what we think our lives should be, what makes us happy. And we will sin to get it or sin if we don't get it. We manipulate our friends to get what we want and punish them if they stand in the way.

In a marriage or on the playground, friendships don't work the way God intended because we are sinners. Sin can make us jaded about friendships and cause us to miss all that God has intended them to be. God grieves when our friendships are broken. That’s why He Himself is the cure.

Only One Friend Will Never Disappoint—Go After It

There’s only one solution for broken friendships, and it is the glue that works in every case—the gospel of Jesus Christ. Jesus is the only Friend who will never disappoint us (Romans 9:33).

The good news is that He is “the friend of sinners” like you and me (Matthew 11:19). And while our broken relationships are among the clearest proofs that we need a Savior, He stands ready to forgive our selfishness, laziness, betrayal, fear, and guilt. Through His death and resurrection, we are restored to a right relationship with God and are given a renewed capacity to use friendships as God intended.

To all who believe, Jesus says, “No longer do I call you slaves, for the slave does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I have heard from My Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).